Beat Up Old Jetliner Bob Rivers

I'm riding along on this beat-up old plane; Look out the window. All the rivets are rusted.

I Used To Rock And Roll All Night Bob Rivers

We're gettin' old, We must be crazy. We're puttin' on the makeup again. It covers up a buncha wrinkled skin. You bring the bread, We'll make the gravy. You keep on standin', We'll keep on singin.

How It Feels (To Be Old) Bob Rivers

This must be how it feels, This must be how it feels, To get old. If I try to play hard rock, It'd probably put me into shock. Don't expect no big drum fills, The drummer's lost his motor skills.

He's So Jolly Bob Rivers

ho-ho-ho'ing, you keep growing strong I feel the roof shaking That whole house quaking Whenever you grab that sack of toys and slide on in, so Skip that nap, Santa Kids are climbing on that lap, Santa Jolly old

The Chimney Song Bob Rivers

There's something stuck up in the chimney and I don't know what it is, But it's been there all night long. Well, I waited up for Santa all Christmas night But he never came and it don't seem right.

Decorations Bob Rivers

I love the colored lights every year And the way the neighbors stop their cars and stare I strap a Santa Claus on my roof Plastic candy canes and reindeer everywhere I'm stringin' up decorations It's straining

Flu Ride Bob Rivers

102 Let's take some Alka-Seltzer And a box of antihistamines too We'll bring some Kleenex with us And sing a chorus or two Let's let my red nose lead us In a sleigh ride in spite of the flu Hack it up

We Wish You Weren't Living With Us Bob Rivers

us We wish you weren't living with us We wish you weren't living with us We're not happy you're here You drive everybody crazy You're hopelessly fat and lazy You're constantly in the way here So pack up

Officer Fuhrman Bob Rivers

He likes to set up colored people. He likes to frame the colored people. Officer Fuhrman driving through Brentwood At night with a glove in his bag, his evidence bag.

The Twelve Pains Of Christmas Bob Rivers

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is finding a Christmas tree The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Angry husband: Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree

Who Put The Stump Bob Rivers

I'd like to find the guy Who done me wrong And stuck my butt up On this Christmas tree. Who put the stump In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump? Who took and jammed it In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?

Bowel Moves Bob Rivers

Tryin' to move some backed-up drive-through food. Workin' on a bowel move. And it was takin' time. Unhhhhhhhhh. I was up last night tryin' to make some thunder. How long would it take?

There's Another Santa Claus Bob Rivers

Just saw Santa Claus Just saw Santa Claus Just gave a Santa Claus change Drove downtown and a bell ringing Santa Claus Hit me up again When those sleigh bells jingle jangle On my roof top tonight Will

Manger 6 Bob Rivers

Why, for just 29 drachma we'll put you up in a warm comfortable stable with plenty of fresh milk for the newborn.

Spinning Reel Bob Rivers

(Spinning Wheel - Blood, Sweat & Tears) Rod goes up Line goes out Spinning reel Fishing for trout Casting toward the bubbles and you reel it in Hook a speckled rainbow watch the spinning reel spin You

Grahbe Yahbalz Bob Rivers

balls like Michael Jackson fa la la la la la la la la la Add some pelvic thrusting action fa la la la la la la la la la Don we now our leather jackets fa la la la la la la la la la Pick that crowbar up

Buttcracker Suite Bob Rivers

line is looking out Somehow you don't admire it So, everybody, please just say no to crack Give all those crack backs a sack If you see a plumber show a breach Or a tubby hubby on a beach Sneak right up

When A Man Loves A Chicken Bob Rivers

He'll shack up in the hen house with the good thing he's found. When a man loves a chicken People think that he's insane. But all he can do is wing it for the one he loves.

Carol Of The Bartenders Bob Rivers

Don't drink and drive Don't drink and drive Don't drink and drive Don't let your buddy Budweiser in the car Be a buddy, don't drink and drive If you think you've had a few to many Grab a booth and sober up

A Letter To Santa Bob Rivers

It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one morning to find the heads of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you. I am sure you are a reasonable man, and this will not be necessary

Old Rivers Walter Brennan

OLD RIVERS Walter Brennan Words and music by Crofford (that's all I wrote at the time I transcribed it -- years ago) HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE I FIRST SEEN OLD RIVERS?

Wreck The Malls Bob Rivers

"Wreck the malls this Christmas seasonFa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-laBlow your cash for no good reasonFa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-laPush your charge card to the limitFa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-laCheckbook ...

O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads Bob Rivers

"Oh come all ye GratefulDeadheads to the concertOh come Grateful DeadheadsAnd camp in the streetBring rolling papersDon't forget your sleeping bagsOh come get us some floor seatsWe followed them fo...

Foreigners Bob Rivers

"Foreigners...Infiltrate our nation,Foreigners...Take jobs from Americans.Hey, we want to be Americans,But we're illegal aliens,And we really like it here,Though we don't speak the language clear.F...

Joy To The World Bob Rivers

The Lord has comeLet earth receive her KingLet every heart prepare Him roomAnd heaven and nature singAnd heaven and nature singAnd heaven and heaven and nature singJoy to the worldThe Lord has come...

Walkin' 'Round In Women's Underwear Bob Rivers

"Lacey things, the wife is missing.Didn't ask, for her permissionI'm wearing her clothes, her silk panty hose.Walking around in women's underwear.In the store, there's a teddy.With little straps, l...

I Am Santa Claus Bob Rivers

I am Santa ClausHo ho ho ho ho Flying Through the snow Can you hear him ho ho ho He's so full of cheer only has to work one day a yearChildren in their bedsVisions of sugar plums fill their headsSo...

O Little Town Of Bethlehem Bob Rivers

"Oh little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lieAbove thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go byYet in thy dark streets shineth, the everlasting lightThe hopes and fears of all the ...

I Came Upon A Roadkill Deer Bob Rivers

I came upon a roadkill deer A sorrowful sight to behold He lay upon the highway's edge His body was stiff and cold I bet he never saw the car Careening through the snow The lights shone brightly in...

Jingle Hells Bells Bob Rivers

Ho Ho HoHo Ho HoLike Guns N Roses with Axel Rose spittin'Ozzie's black eyes and the bats that he's bittenBig Marshall stacks and a broken E-stringThese are a few of my favorite thingsHo Ho HoPentho...

It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year Bob Rivers

It's the most fattening time of the yearWith that pumpkin pie fillingand everyone swilling down eggnog and beerIt's the most fattening time of the yearIt's the lip smackingest season of allwhile yo...

There's A Santa Who Looks A Lot Like Elvis Bob Rivers

There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis The King of Rock and RollTake a look at the double chinHe's weighing about 310With golden chains and sequined belt belowThere's a Santa who looks a lot li...

All You Need Is Elves Bob Rivers

Elves, elves, elvesElves, elves, elvesElves, elves, elvesSanta doesn't shop at Toys "R" UsDoesn't have to fight the Christmas rushHe's never out of stock of even the hardest toys and gamesIt's easy...

Minimum Wage Bob Rivers

-Welcome to BurgerDoodle, can I have your order please?-Oh yes. I'd like a Spiffy Burger with low fat cheese and an order of seasoned curly fries but only if they're cooked in virgin peanut oil.-Um...

Free As A Turd Bob Rivers

Please, Don't put out this turd.It's a piece of crap to meCan hardly hear the words... Whatever happened to, The rights to Love me Do?We made Michael Jackson one rich mother.John wouldn't like this...

Middle Age Waistline Bob Rivers

(Baba O'Riley - The Who)I eat Mrs. FieldsI snack between mealsYou can see my crack above my LevisI don't need to dietTo prove I'm lightAnd I don't peel the skin off of my chickenYeah yeah yeah yeah...

Read It In The Tabloids Bob Rivers

I bet you're wondering how I knewThat Prince Charles and Lady Di were through.Was waiting in line at the grocery store.Took a peek at the dirt about Demi Moore.And it took me by surprise I must say...

Mr. Magoo Bob Rivers

Got a flat in TimbuktuWaiting for AAAAnd I saw that single headlight through the rainFlagged the geezer in the car down,He was going the wrong wayWe sped away and left rubber on all four lanesHe pu...

Getting Fatter All The Time Bob Rivers

I'm getting fatter all the time.I used to be size 32 and I never gave.My jeans used to fit, I looked cool.Now I'm not the same.Put on a few pounds, my shape's getting round.And lately I can't see m...

I'm A Weight Watcher Bob Rivers

I'm a Weight Watcher,I'm a Weight Watcher,Watchin' food go by.My, my, my.I'm a Weight Watcher,I'm a plate watcher.Here comes a cream pieMmmm, mmm, mmm.I was just a boyWhen I tried to eat my toy.Cou...

OJ's Trial Thing Bob Rivers

O.J., O.J.O.J., I think you did it.But I wanna know for sure.You expect people to believe that there are people actually playing golf at ten o' clock at night?Ya wanna know what I think?I think you...

Wrong Foot Amputated Bob Rivers

Wrong foot amputatedWrong foot amputatedHe got the wrong foot amputatedThe doctor had compassion he tried to cure my diseaseI was sweating on the way to the op room gave me sedatives to put me at e...

The Twisted Chipmunk Song Bob Rivers

(All right you Chipmunks! Ready to sing your song?-I'll say we are!-Yeah!-Let's sing it now!Okay, Simon?-Okay!Okay, Theodore?-Okay!Okay, Alvin? Alvin? ALVIN!-OKAY!!!)Christmas, Christmas time is ne...

Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire Bob Rivers

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire Hot sauce dripping from their toes (Oh! That tickles!) Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir They poked hot skewers through their nose (Ow! Wrong end, ya...

The Angel Bob Rivers

The angel rides with hunch-backed children, poison oozing from his engineWieldin' love as a lethal weapon, on his way to hubcap heavenBaseball cards poked in his spokes, his boots in oil he's patie...

Christmas Party Song Bob Rivers

It's Christmas time and I'm in troubleGot too drunk at the company affairSat on the copier, wore no apparelDid it on a dareInsulted the boss and French-kissed a strangerPinched his butt poured beer...

Pokemon Bob Rivers

[Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of money mon mon mon Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of Money mon mon mon mon We got to find a pokemon Before it's Christmas Eve The kids must have a Pikachu It's called I do bel...

Homeless On the Holidays Bob Rivers

Oh there’s food for the homeless on the holidaysCause no matter how filthy or uncombedIf you’re down on your luck you can really grazeFor the holidays we throw those bums a boneI met a man who dran...

Rivers Runnin' Black Incognito

travel on the road And we don't know where we're coming from We travel on the open road And we don't know where we're going to I know a man eyes always closed Lost in his dreams where it all came to pass Up

Youll Accompny Me Bob Seger

go Before you leave there's something you should know Yeah something you should know babe I've seen you smiling in the summer sun I've seen your long hair flying when you run I've made my mind up